Here

My COMPUTER is HOME!!!!

 whew.  i was going through withdrawal.  noticing little twitches and aches as I used the Husband's computer, working  hard not to download, upload, or forget to close the 7 tabs i like to keep open at all times.... don't want to miss anything, ya know?? He was all good about sharing... so long as I didn't drop a crumb within a 3 foot radius, have my ever present cup of coke zero within spillage range, etc etc.   just kidding.... mostly :-)

Any who.  It's back... and wiped clean. 

 right.  

no pictures, no data, no nothing.

 I had last backed up (right? girl you look good, whydon'tcha back that thing up) my computer in november of 2012.  I'm trying not to cry about it... but i'm crying.   That means that 7 months of my babies life in pictures is gone.  They tried everything short of the $800 machine somethingorother in Arizona.

 Fine.  I'm fine.  fine.  

There's too much to try and cram in a catch-up post, so I'm just starting here and moving forward.  

I'm here. 

I'm breathing deeply. 

I can walk as fast as I can run.

Ok, not *exactly* but pretty darn close.  

I ran a few times in the last few weeks and my hips hurt.  really hurt.  and so, because I'm working on making wise, future conscious decisions, I've decided to return to my speed-walking roots... and by roots I mean that somewhere in my past I used to walk quickly and I'm doing it again and so therefore... whatever. 

roots.  

I love wwww.mapmyrun.com It allows me to go where the mood ( and the crazy derecho wind) takes me  and see how far I've gone once I come home.  Yes.  I know there are apps that would tell me that mid-walk/run, however, I'm focusing more on not focusing <---- you get it, right?  so I come home, relax, and after a bit, check my mileage.  Turns out that tonight I walked 2. 73 miles in 29:22.  yep.  and my hips feel GOOD! it's a win win!! Another win?? My trusty heart rate monitor let me know that I had burned 339 calories in under 30 minutes!  chatted with the neighbors, came in, did a bit o lifting and got the babies to sleep.  

As I was holding my big kid close on the couch, soothing out the awful bedtime blues we've developed, I tried to wrap my head around walking vs. running.  You'd think that i would have learned this lesson many, many moons ago- physically and mentally.  Running *seems* glamorous.   The bodies are gorgeous, the shoes are colorful and sleek, the wind in your hair, the heart pounding playlists, the crazy themed 5 & 10Ks .    Nike and Pinterest don't have the slick, glossy slogan blazing ads for walking.   

and a little, small, hurting, sad and angry part of me said that this- this running stereotype that leaves out the grit and the pain and the hours of dedication, blisters, fractures, and mental strength. this surface glimpse-  this is what a neuro-typical life is like... and walking, this slower paced, glam-less life is for those of us who were dealt a different hand.  a non-neuro typical life.  

wrong.  that's wrong.  You can't run?  

Who cares?!! 

 <--- me obviously, at times, but I'm GETTING OVER IT. 

I am thankful to walk.   Physically, I am so very, very thankful for legs that work, for lungs that keep me oxygenated and a heart that pumps and arms that swing and the SWEAT that comes when I walk quickly. 

 Mentally-  I am thankful for this life that I have.

  I am thankful for my amazing, amazing babies. 

  I am thankful that they are teaching me over and over and over (because I am apparently the slowest learner of this subject ever in the whole world, or at least tonight) that this life is what you make it.  That YOU make the playlist.  YOU buy the shoes - Holla!! and YOU set the pace.  

got it?  

go forth, sweet friends, and make it amazing.