Dance

I'm telling myself that I will write more.  


I've changed the tag line.  I've made grandiose decisions and tossed them out before I'd even began- including, but not limited to 
1.  giving up diet pepsi
2.  giving up ice cream 
3.  giving up shopping
4. fixing my hair every day
5.  packing my lunch...


that's right, BIG goals (feel free to laugh) that are already forgotten because I realized that I, most likely, would be 3 hours in and out the window they'd go.  


I'm left with one that I'm holding on to.  I've decided that, every day, I will dance.  

Dancing- letting go, understanding that whatever it is that's happening right now can wait 15 minutes while we turn up the music and boogie. 

Realizing and accepting that life is hard.  That I can't make it easy.  That I can't always make it better.  

Understanding that I have so much to be thankful for.  That God has a plan.  

Knowing that our time here is short- that tomorrow is not guaranteed.  That we will lose people we love. 

Deciding that, while we are here, we will hold tight to each other.  

Will this dancing make life easy? no.  Will it make life make sense? no.  

Dancing will remind me that I am alive, that I have a body that moves and a heart that is beating and that I have a purpose- that God has a plan for me. We will dance... and you're welcome to join us.  

"Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance."- author unknown

grief

"I carry you with me into the world, 

into the smell of rain & the words that dance between people & for me, it will always be this way, walking in the light, remembering being alive together"

life is huge and full of so many amazing, wonderful, terrible, unexplainable things.  this blog started off as brain candy, something for when I didn't want to really think.  but life, for better or worse, isn't made up of easy.  life is hard.  and sometimes life seems so full of awful there's no room for happy.  

this week we had a very hard thing-   one very hard, very terrible, unexplainable thing.  a momma and daddy lost a baby- a miracle baby they weren't ever sure they'd have to begin with, a baby that seemed so full of life and smiles and laughing and moving that he filled their every day with wonder.  and then, last week... it was diagnosed as a 'near SIDS', and today, sweet Carter B. went to heaven.  

Are you familiar with Brian Andreas and his story people?   The print above is called 'living memory'... and it's as close as I can come right now to a wish for this family.  a realization that sweet Carter is with them, for always.  

does it help? no.  words are pithy, ridiculous offerings, nothingness- 'my words are paper tigers, no match for the predators of pain inside her'  as the indigo girls have said.  

so tonight, for Jeff and Darcy, for all of those who have held a baby in your arms, then left them there in the hospital while you've gone home to weep, I pray for you.  I pray you find, in the days ahead, sweet memories that comfort you, and remind you that your baby will be with you, carried in your heart for always. 

5 minute friday

5 Minute Friday

Today the topic is Trust. 5 minutes, no editing... on Trust.

well- i've already erased the first 2 minutes- don't trust me, clearly I don't trust myself.
today i am worried and scared and praying for a momma and daddy and entire extended family who are clinging so tight to a tiny thread of hope that their precious baby will come back, that he will beat whatever the unimaginable odds are in cases like his, and be o.k.  i want to have hope and faith and trust that all will be well. i want to.  i'm praying. i'm trying to trust that God has a plan for this, that this is his plan.  maybe.  maybe i don't really believe that, maybe i think, right now, that life is kind of like rain drops on a window, moving, moving running into each other, becoming obliterated by the next drop, scattered by the wind. no control, no rhyme or reason, no answers.  scared. so scared.  trying to trust.

the gypsy mama who started the whole 5 minute friday business... go read her post