12 Days- Day 7.

Well Hellooooooo :-)  nice of you to head back this way!  I'm just home from bunco and ready to enjoy my oatmeal cookies and milk with my friend Molly-

Not really- she's in STL and I'm here in Le Roy but I am using my mug from her rehearsal dinner and missing her.  This picture was taken when we went down for a visit this summer- It was great to see her and a few other friends that, unfortunately, I don't see as often as I'd like.  Please ignore the bags under my eyes and the glaze over them- a. we've already talked about it b. this was before we had Abe on his new (and by far most effective to date) sleep medicine regimen and I was t.i.r.e.d. 

Any who

1. Workout... ok... this may be a stretch... but I chased Abe and Aurelia around the replex while Bo had soccer practice... and I wiped sweat from my forehead so I'm counting it.  My work day was crammed with far more administrative duties than actual patient care, Team meeting right after school for my big kid, so right to the gym for soccer then off to bunco-  they say that laughter is just as necessary as exercise, and I certainly laughed a lot tonight! 

2. I'm thankful for my friends.  far away, across the street, those i talk to daily, those I see or talk to once a month or once a year.  I'm thankful for friends that are family- friends that disagree with me, friends that fill me up when i feel empty and friends that make me laugh.

and the fact that he's clearly trying to lick the enamel off her teeth just makes me laugh some more!

3. outfit- brace yourself! I decided I couldn't flashback anymore so I took this picture at 1130 pm.- no make up, hair used to be done, enormous comfy sweater added to ward off the cold... winner, winner, chicken dinner!!

1. Top from express... just now realizing I'm wearing the exact same shirt, in green, in my picture with Molly :-)  I LOVE this top- it flows, it's a bit longer, it's silky, has cool buttons... yeah.... i love it!

2. Sweater-  from Meijer... I think this is how you know you have a problem... when you pick up a sweater or shirt or whatever, while waiting in line... a ridiculously long line... and it was right there... and doesn't shed like this one did- drove me CRAZY! Maybe it's a bit large... who cares.  It's warm and soft and comfy and I'm loving it right now.  

Alright- back to real sweat tomorrow.  Off to bed for now- seriously busy Friday coming up!! 

Make it amazing! Pep, pep, Pep, PEP!!!

12 Days- Day 6.

Half Way, Half Way!!!  I do realize that this little challenge I set for myself has helped in 3 different yet very related areas-1. I work out, because I know I have to write something. 2. I do my hair- even just minimally, and I put at least 2.5 minutes thought into my clothing, most likely 2 minutes more than previously.  3.  I write= relaxation, focus, planning time.  All three combined lead to a healthier, happier Me.  I'm already planning my next challenge :-)


1.  Workout- Today I took a walk.  Not a long walk- I moved quickly but only had about 15 minutes between patients so it wasn't much.  Tonight I did a little lifting- not the entire workout, just a bit.   I'm not going to tell you it was great! amazing! seriously sweaty! but I am going to tell you that I'm glad  I did it.  If  I wasn't writing these posts I would have most likely skipped it, but even that brief burst helped me make it through the afternoon without feeling like I wanted to kick somebody.... not professional... just true.    I read an article/excerpt a few years ago from Dan E. Burns, author of Saving Ben- a book he wrote about his son who has autism.  The portion of the article that I've read and re-read follows-

 "Aerobic exercise generates new brain cells in specific areas of the brain, including the hippocampus, the seat of learning and memory. It enhances neuronal connection and brain plasticity and improves the brain's potential to log and process new information. 
Sounds too good to be true? I thought so too. But check it out in John J. Ratey's book Spark: the Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain. Exercise alone cannot rebuild the brain - that requires a combination of therapies. But constant aerobic exercise can create the environment for growth, connection, more brain pathways and function, a solid base for more advanced treatment. It can jump start the brain.
So run, swim, or bike with your child. While you're at it, here's how to make the most of your aerobic adventures:
1. Use exercise to teach speech. Because physical activity is rewarding for most children with autism, it can be used as a motivator. Ask your child questions that require answering with words other than "yes" and "no." Go fast or slow? Whose turn? Want to swim or ride a bike? Let's (go, run, swim)!
2. Take 5-10 minute exercise breaks during discrete trial therapy (ABA) drills. When Ben was five years old, we had an apartment overlooking a swimming pool. During drill breaks, Ben and I would take a quick dip. He'd come back refreshed, stims and pending meltdown washed away, ready and willing to learn.
3. Make movies and photos of your aerobic activities and talk about them with your child. Keep a diary of your exercise ventures together with photographs. It will make a great book that you can read to your child, or that someday, perhaps, she or he can read to you.
4. Finally, use exercise to take a break from autism. Everyday life is stressful for parents and children. Exercise releases endorphins and reduces anxiety, depression, and stress. It took years of practice and pushing Ben, both physically and psychologically, but today he bikes with me as if he were born for it. The brain likes novel stimulation, so we explore state parks for new aerobic opportunities and scenic delights. It's a pleasure to swim with him. And now he can outrun me."  

I love this- It helps our entire family- we walk together, we swim (doggy paddle, float, splash) together, we hike through  Moraine View together.  I think this challenge has reminded me (again, and again, and again I need these reminders) that exercise needs to be every day, it needs to be fun, and it is GOOOOOOOOOD for us.

2.  I'm thankful for our new router.  I kid you not, It has made this whole internet experience 1001 x better! When the kids are asleep and the laundry is put away (or ignored) I jump online and veg- I connect socially with my FX family, I catch up on blogs I love, I shop... uh huh.  And now it's quick and AMAZING!!! shallow, shallow but true, true, true!!

3.  Outfit- this, peeps, has become the hardest part of these posts for me- But this is a blog about clothes?? and outfits?? and bargains?? every time i have someone take my picture (or take my own in the bathroom mirror) i look in my eyes and think... why aren't you happy?  I've always 'talked with my eyes'- bugged them out more than necessary, raised my eyebrows in silent snark, blinked them at babies to soothe, and generally sent beams of love rolling out of them- crazy mental picture, but i'm into the whole visualization thing... This is the verse that seems to weigh heavy on my heart right now 

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones. Proverbs 17v22.

 I don't really want to talk too much about grief and tears and a broken spirit, but maybe that's the problem.  I didn't want my sweet baby girl to have deficits- i didn't want her to struggle in so many different ways... I wanted the neuro-typical baby that the amazing doctors at RGI told me I would have.  I wanted a playmate for her brothers and a caretaker to ease the burden Bo would carry. So I didn't talk about it.  I kept it inside and the grief multiplied and spread and wore me down. 

And it's true- she doesn't have Fragile X... but she does have deficits and delays.... and it breaks my heart.  and, for a while, and maybe still, I let the grief and the anger and the stress of doing it alllllll over again (pt, ot, st, dt, ieps, developmental pediatrician, geneticist, pediatric neurologist, fear, anger, tears, tears, tears)  steal my joy and drain my happy away.  I was brittle... and my eyes show it.   Who do I think I am?  Do I not know people who have more than 1 child with a disability, who deal with every struggle, every day, and a million more that I've never thought of?  Did I think I was automatically exempt, secondary to Fragile X?  Paid whatever cosmic price needed to be paid to even the ledgers and now I'd have sunshine and happiness and rainbows flying out my arse?  ... i guess I did. ridiculous.  and so down, down, down into the pit I fell.  and just when I think I was climbing out something would push me back in again.  I'd love to say 'I let something push me back' but the truth is, i was holding on tooth and nail to the little bit of happy and focus I could find- I wasn't giving my joy away, grief was taking, taking, taking it.  I learned a lot more about depression and anger than I ever thought I would. I've learned that unless you have fought the darkness you have NO IDEA what it's all about. I've learned about To Write Love on Her Arms and I wrapped myself up in living, in putting joy and love and peace back into my heart.  

so.  there it is.  we have 3 beautiful, amazing children, 2 of whom happen to have deficits and delays and struggles that, unless a miracle occurs, they will battle their entire life.  And I am their momma... and I will do every.single.little.thing. in my power to wrap all 3 of them in the bone deep knowledge that I love them, that I'm proud of them,that I think they are amazing and shiny and wonderful, and I will help them be the very best 'them' possible.  

and here I thought I'd just choose a different, older picture. one where you can't see my eyes.  

12 Days- Day 5.

1. Workout- ZUMBA again :-)  this time at the Replex- it's a very different type of class from the one I attend in Downs. Sweat is sweat is sweat and this one gives me a good workout! Then I rode my friend, the recumbent bike, for an additional 20 minutes so I could read my magazine(s) and veg for a little while.

2.  I'm thankful for- My mom and Dad. very, very, very thankful.  I love them and am amazed by them and am thankful beyond belief for everything they've taught me... and are still teaching me!  Clearly this is not the *best* picture of anyone, but it shows much of the true colors that I am so thankful of- laughing, smiling, hugging and snuggling.



3.  Outfit- Listen, I was dressed nicely today.  really.  and yesterday, before I put my workout clothes on?  I was dressed nicely then too!! For REAL! Skirts and sweaters and boots and hair done... right now I'm in a gray pair of exercise pants and a different FX shirt... and Bj's sweatshirt because I get all cold and goosebumpy when I come home.  SO- here is a picture from our trip to Portland, when we stayed at the Hotel Monaco (love, love, love)

We went to crazy cafe's and kitchens and pubs and bars and had an absolutely fantastic time! 

1. Sweater- old navy, on sale $12.99

2. Dress- Loft, bought on 50% off day, used a reward card, total was $25.00!! 

3. Belt- limited, clearance, $7.99

4. Sandals... I don't remember. they were uncomfortable and I gave them away as soon as we returned home... apparently I've blocked them from my brain! I love this outfit (with different, sparkly sandals, and have worn it multiple times with a denim jacket, different belts, etc, etc. 

one of my favorite pictures- my dresses on the left, Bj's shirts in the middle... and the animal print robes provided for our use on the right :-)  

5 down, 7 to go. Later, peeps!

12 Days- Day 4.

1. Workout- ZUMBA!!! I love it, love it, love it.  Tex teaches, and we all boogie our flippin booties off! There are no mirrors, in fact, at the front of the room there's a Cross and a hanging fabric banner that reminds us to be thankful EVERY DAY... The wood floors are smooth from 50+ years of churchgoers' sunday best shoes and the speakers rock.  I truly believe that one of the main reasons I'm not on any sort of mood altering pharmaceutical is this little room on Down's main street.  The music is LOUD, we sweat like mad, and in that room is everysinglebodytype you've ever seen.  We are encouraged, supported, and PUSHED. and I love it.

2, I'm thankful for- My job... I LOVE the work that I do.  I'm ok with my job.  But, but, but. I'm thankful for it.  I have flexibility beyond belief that allows me to go to any and all appointments, parties, and meetings, and I'm very, very thankful for that!  This job allows me to focus, as much as possible, on these three amazing babies.

For real, I want her outfit!  

look at that smile!! He buttoned his entire dress shirt!! In the correct holes! Gorgeous boy!

chilling like a villain, rocking and chewing and rocking :-) handsome face!

3. . Outfit- 

Yes, my face is overexposed from flash and light- really, it's doing me a favor as my face turns BEET RED when I exercise.  Check out that  cutie in the background, pushing his 'May i have more GOLDFISH please?' button :-)  

1. Columbia jacket- when B and I took our 10 year anniversary trip to Portland, OR this summer, we shopped all around downtown and fell in love with some of the different Columbia items in the flagship store.  This jacket keeps me warm and toasty and dry- and it has neon zippers (the same color as Abe's shirt!) NOT a bargain... but I wear it 24/7 and LOVE IT :-) $89.99

2.  My FRAGILE X SHIRT :-)  This design was part of the blockbuster sales that our Central Illinois Fragile X Resource Group  put on at the National Conference in Miami, spear headed by Holly, queen of fundraising!  I love my shirts ( yes I own multiple colors) and wear them ALL OVER!! $15.00

3. Pants, Reebok, From DSG on the clearance rack this last spring. $7.99

4. Shoes.... ooooooooo, my shoes :-)  I love my asics! My mizuno pair had worn down at the heal to the extent that i decided to grab a new pair- love them! Found a spectacular sale - Labor day? - and snatched them up! $69.99 on sale and with a 30% off coupon at Kohls ( but the link is to DSG because they have more beautiful pairs to admire... not that I need another pair... not the tie-dye'd ones for sure....)

Day 4 is winding down.  I've printed out pictures of Cows and bubbles for Aurelia's thankful placemat tomorrow.  I've tickled and wrestled and snuggled and my muscles are telling me that one more stretch is very necessary before I call it a night.  See you tomorrow! (note the exclamation point... feeling all positive and chipper, eh?  yes.  yes, I am. )

12 Days- Day 3.

1.  Workout- Walking.... ok, ok, ok, walking around target :-)  IT COUNTS!! whatever, it's better than sitting at home, eating all my tasty salted caramel chocolate pretzel bark. so there. And thanks to my sweet husband I walked around target, and the Loft, and TJ Maxx for about 3 hours tonight- it was fantastic :-)  I did NOT buy the dress in the link, simply because I couldn't find it.

2.  Thankful for-

Legs that work.... and I'm not being silly or glib or irreverent.  I do NOT like to run, but by GOD I am thankful that I can.  and when I do, when I'm tired, when my hips and joints and shins hurt, I think 'run for Abe, run for Abe, run for Abe. go, Go, GO!!' and I do.  I don't know if Aur will ever really run, I think she will. She's got a good start on it, about 3 or so feet pretty quick.  Once her hips straighten out we'll see.  Goodness knows that  my Bo can run... and run and run and run and run! Abe gets some high knees every now and then... not a true run just yet.  I'm thankful I can run.  I know I'm not smooth, and right now I surely do jiggle a lot as I go galloping around, and you can most likely hear me from 50 yards back (loooouuuuuud breathing... really, reallly LOUD! BREATHING!) but I go, and I do it with a thankful heart.

I just want to squeeze these gorgeous chubby cheeks :-)  makes me smile every time!

3. Outfit-  why yes, that IS the bathroom at Von Maur.... so I walked around Target, the Loft, Tj Maxx and Von Maur, geesh.  more exercise!  And it was pouring rhinos and giraffes and I have no make up on and the flash is conveniently covering up my large zit (wasn't even planned, just a pleasant surprise!!)

1.  Cardigan from Loft- clearance in 2008 (see below picture) $19.99

2.  Denim shirt from Canvas, don't be thinking I payed full price, bought it on a special deal day, used $10 dollars of my rewards points, total paid $10!!! aw yeah :-)

3.  Jeans- same ones, from express, and you can't see my BOOTS but you know which ones I'm wearing! 

look at that sweet baby.  my precious first born.  I remember sitting here, thanksgiving feast 2008, his first year of Pre-K.  bound and determined not to cry at school.  not to be sad while listening to and seeing all the others in his class, to be thankful, thankful, thankful.  fake it 'til you make it. we did.  we were a mess- those caramel rice cakes pretty much covered us head to toe by the time we got home, but we were a cuddly, happy, thankful, blessed mess.  And we still are today.  

Day 3 is done.  tomorrow is Monday.  see you then. 

12 days- Day 2.

1.  Work out

My new book came today :-) WHOOOP!!!!! So exercise today was workout #1.  To be very honest, the heaviest weights I have here at home are 10lb dumbbells, and while that may not be the 'heavy' they had in mind, it was a great workout!  I also feel NO SHAME in counting "running after my children at the football game"  for a portion of my exercise today.  Don't believe the picture below... i think this was the only 2 minute period that---- > Baby Girl was not trying to run onto the field, Middle Man was not attempting to tackle and or wrestle anyone within a 1 foot radius, and Big Kid had his chair upright.  Thankful for friends that helped me keep an eye (and grab a handful of shirt as needed) on these 3.  

2.  Thankful for- My amazing Husband

See that gorgeous man striding down the sideline?  yeah, it's kinda hard to pick him out, BUT he's there.  He amazes me.  He is devoted- to me, to our Children, to his team, to those who count on him.  He handles the seven million and one questions with grace and kindness.  He is able to see the happy, the potential, the currently amazing that sometimes gets lost in the wild and crazy that is our life.  He focuses on what our children CAN do... and holds me tight when I cry about the delays and deficits we face.  I love him more than boots.  He knows how important it is to teach about life and truth and real, and he does it amazingly well.  I am so proud of who he is, way, way, way down deep inside, and how that shows every single day in his thoughts, words, and actions.  

3. Outfit- What's that??? I'm crooked?  Out of Focus?  Blending in with the door?  Have what appears to be an atomic bird dropping on my head?  yes, these things happen when your 5 year old takes your picture and your 2 year old does your hair. 

 1.  Denim shirt- LOVE IT!  from old navy, on sale and had a coupon- $14.99,  can't wait to wear it over something sparkly! 

2. Panther shirt- $20.00

3. Maroon skinny jeans, $19.99 from TJ Maxx

4.  Boots- Kohls, end of season 2 years ago... not for sure, but I do know I had a 30% off coupon and that dropped them below the $20 limit :-)  

5. yellow bow in my hair- $2.00 from Walmart.... attempt to get Baby Girl to wear her beautiful panther bow- GOOD.... for 3 minutes, then no way, no how, no where.  

Day 2 is almost over- kids have zonked out.  football season has wrapped up.  I'm craving this deliciousness that I took to the after party... but at the same time hoping they eat it all so I don't. cuz I will. which is why I work out.  yep.  

See you tomorrow.  

12 days- Day 1.

because I like cramming things together- 12 days.  12 workouts.  12 posts.  12 things I'm thankful for.  12 outfits.  no days off.  Because why be rational and take it one step at a time?

 Clearly, that's not me.

If there's one thing this angergriefstress has been good for-------> my closet is full to the brim.  I don't smoke or drink to excess so I'm going with the whole 'shopping as stress relief' excuse.  And since I'm still not quite sure I'm ready to move all the way forward just yet, I'm saving my 'no shopping, work with what you have' pep talk for a later date.... i can just feel the anticipation rolling off ya. for reals.   OK!!!

DAY 1

 1.  Workout- 30 minutes on the stair climber.  kicks my booty.  30 mins reading my book while riding the exercise bike..... still counts.

2.  Thankful for-

 

Friday night excitement :-) They won't fit in the tub all together much longer.  Bubbles. oh my goodness.  Abe dumped the bottle in and we had about 4+ inches of good times! 

My new amazing Panther mug from   Sandy's Secret Wednesdays  :-)  I LOVE it!! keeps my ice water COLD all day long (ok, ok, my coke zero.... jeeesh)

3.  Outfit- technically this was from last  many, many weeks ago... cheating on day 1 but just recommitted to the blog after my workout/shower so this is one that I shared with my leopard print loving friends Cindi and KQ 

1.  Teal ruffle front shirt loft, bought on serious sale and used my rewards (if you're going to drive 88 miles+ each day, put your gas on your LOFT card and buy clothes with your rewards :-) ... or airline tickets.... hmmmm) whatever, it came out to $14.99 and I lurve it.

2.  Black Leopard print cardi- Loft, same deal, coupon + rewards $17.99

3.  Brown Belt- WALMART!! $7.99 and brown and black all mixed together (can't slow me down), because you know that on my feet I am wearing my favorite boots of ever and ever-!! $12.00

4.  Jeans- oops......  see, this pair of jeans from express were not in any way on sale... but I love them and have worn them like crazy since I purchased them in July.... retail therapy, retail therapy.  

Day 1 is in the books.  writing, even about these things that are so, so, so very unimportant (with the exception of my babies), makes me happy.   see you tomorrow.